Create!

So, the church has its own YouTube channel, making them officially more hip than I am. Anyway, my friend Reba posted this video on her blog of Elder Uchtdorf's talk about happiness. This is a great talk, and the video is awesome. Enjoy!

Story time

Jeremy is a really good sport.



(By the way, this was taken before Clara had her cast removed on the 16th. The radiologist confirmed it was just a bad sprain, and after a few days with a splint Clara was back to her old self again.)

Sam-Day

Today is Sam's fifth birthday. For those who may not know, Sam is our first child, and he passed away just hours after his birth due to complications from an umbilical cord accident. He was a truly beautiful baby, and to get a sense of what he looked like you can look at either Clara or Jonathan. They are all triplets born years apart!

This birthday feels like something of a milestone, which has made today and the weeks leading up to it both difficult and peaceful. I have not quite felt like myself lately, especially for the last week, and for all of you who are familiar with grief--which is just about everyone!--you have probably experienced periods after an acute loss, even years later, where you recognize yourself going through various stages of mourning all over again. That's how I've felt this week. But when I woke up this morning I somehow felt happy, and now that I'm thinking about this and writing about it I have to believe that Sam's spirit is nearby and is having a comforting effect on our home and family.

Many of you knew me and Jeremy when Sam was born. We are still comforted and touched by remembering the outpouring of love and prayers and kind words you offered during those first difficult days, weeks, and months. I am especially grateful for my family and Jeremy's family who have always been wonderfully sensitive and have taken care to think of Sam and to visit his grave in Provo. I also do not think I would have made it through those initial months without the selfless support of my wonderful friend Stephanie. Steph and I had been good friends for several years, and when Sam was born we worked together at UVSC. Stephanie was pregnant with her own first baby boy, and despite the anxiety my experience caused her about her own baby's health, she selflessly talked with, listened to, and cried with me. I really don't think I could've done it without you, Steph.

As the years have past and our family has grown, the meaning of Sam's Day has continued to evolve. This year we're looking at it as a celebration of our family and a recognition of our blessings, and we're celebrating with a special family dinner complete with a ridiculous cake I'm making for Jeremy. (Those of you who know me well probably know that I almost never make dessert, so the fact that I am making--and I kid you not--an eight-layer yellow cake with this off-the-hook frosting that has actual chocolate, actual cream, and actual butter in it will seem really surprising. That is just how much I love my husband.) Other than our special dinner it's a pretty low-key day. Jeremy is working, our kids are sleeping, and I am left to myself to bake cake layers and to reflect upon my happy life. There were times early on that all I wanted was to wake up after five years had passed so that I could be spared all of the hurt and heartache that greeted me each day. Now that I've woken up this morning, I can safely say that never would I trade even one of those days. To paraphrase what someone once said under very different but very difficult circumstances, I am grateful even for Sam's death, because it enabled me to have the absolute knowledge that God lives, because I became acquainted with him in my extremity.

So here's to Sam, who lived the life he was supposed to live. I know he continues to touch our lives, and I also know of at least one family whose lives are different because of Sam: Two years ago we learned that Sam's pulmonary valve was given to a 4-month-old boy in Massachussetts in 2005. Sometimes I like to think about that little boy and his healthy heart. And when I do, I always smile.

Lucky Number Sleven

On Monday, Jeremy and I celebrated the end of our seventh year of wedded bliss. We marked this auspicious occasion by going out to lunch--sans children--at McKenzie River Pizza Company. This is the first time we've been out without either of our kids since Jonathan was born (sad, perhaps, but true) and we had a rockin' good time. What's not to love about eating one's weight in delicious gourmet pizza? (Answer: nothing.)

My mom wondered whether we'd have anything to talk about other than Clara and Jonathan, and we totally did. We spent most of lunch reflecting on the highlights and lowlights of our marriage. Classic! I wanted to dredge up all of the lowlights, but we stuck mostly to highlights. Ha! We only talked about the lowlights that we can laugh about now, like the time we cried ourselves to sleep on our first sweltering night in our first weird, weird apartment in Syracuse, or the time I randomly got head lice and Jeremy spent two hours a day combing my hair out for two full weeks while I sobbed.

Some of the highlights included several of our wonderful vacations and road trips, all of the great places we've had the privilege to live, and of course our charming children. (They are always like one hundred times more charming when they're asleep or not with us.)

Once our lunch was over, we decided to add another lowlight to our list by snapping this self-portrait outside of the restaurant. Woof:


I wanted Jeremy to try for another picture, but then the camera battery died. Oh well. Happy 7-Y, Jeremy!

Castaway

I ended up taking Clara to Urgent Care again last night. After she woke up from her nap she basically did nothing but whimper for two hours. We bathed her, fed her dinner, and then I just couldn't take it anymore! She has not been the same girl for the past two days, and I decided it wasn't worth it to make her go through 12 more hours of pain to wait until this morning to take her in.

We saw the same RNP at the urgent care, and she reviewed Clara's x-rays again, this time focusing on her wrist (which by this point was swollen). She couldn't see any discernable break, but she said that in a young child the bones are not completely formed and it's hard to tell for sure. She is going to have the radiologist at the hospital look at the x-rays on Monday, and she decided to put Clara's wrist in a splint. As she was getting ready to splint her arm, she decided that with a two-year-old it might be better to completely immobilize her arm with a cast. So now Clara has a green cast that she'll have on at least until Monday (when we get the radiology report), and probably until the following Monday. The RNP thinks it's a bad sprain, but she didn't rule out a fracture.

Anyway, I have no regrets about my two-and-a-half hours at urgent care with Clara last night, even though I am pretty sure I could literally see the germs crawling around. She is much, much happier today, and in much less pain. Here's hoping that in a week's time she'll be back to her old self again!

Clara's hammock

Oh, Clara...

Yesterday at a play group I went to with my cousin, Clara somehow fell and hurt her arm. At first I thought she had nursemaid's elbow (again), but after three hours at the Urgent Care (including x-rays and two screaming children (I didn't scream; I just wept silently)) they couldn't find anything wrong with her elbow. They sent us home with this miniature sling (which Clara calls a hammock) and told us to come back in two days if she still wasn't using her arm. Well, it's now been more than one day and she won't do anything with her arm. I'm inclined now to think the pain is in her wrist, so perhaps we'll be back at Urgent Care tomorrow for more x-rays and more fun!

I'm five months old!

Who do I look most like? Please take a look at the pictures, then vote in the poll to the right. I think I know who will win...

:::Me:::

:::My sister:::

:::My dada:::

:::My momma:::

:::Caillou:::

Then and now

I am getting ready to retire this particular outfit, so I thought I'd provide an illustration of how much Jonathan has grown in the past (almost!) five months.



(Have any other moms noticed that Carter's brand clothes are huge for their size range? This is allegedly a 0-3 month outfit, and in most other brands Jonathan is wearing 6-9 or 9-12 month sizes. I mean, he is many things, but "little for his age" is not one of them...)

Enduring winter

Ever since we moved to Montana for graduate school, then on to New York, and now to north Idaho, I have been trying very hard to embrace winter.

I am not having much success.

As a matter of fact, I think I am liking winter less and less with each passing year, and I blame my kids for that. It's one thing to bundle up myself and brave inclement weather; it's another thing entirely to bundle up myself and Clara and Jonathan. Plus, it seems like one or the other of them always has a cold or something, and we end up spending a lot of time indoors.

Seriously, I am starting to lose my mind.

It definitely doesn't help that Syracuse and north Idaho really have to be some of the world's most overcast places. At least Montana was sunny (if frigid).

So to preserve my sanity and to provide at least a handful of happy childhood memories for my kidlets--memories that don't involve injuries or trips to the hospital, if you know what I mean--I have been trying really hard to get creative about having fun indoors. As a little caveat, I should point out--though this is probably obvious enough--that Jonathan is just happy as can be no matter where he is. The boy has no clue that we are always at home, and as long as he is fed and has faces to look at, he is nothing but joy. His sister, on the other hand, is much more aware that we are stuck inside a lot and still hasn't stopped asking to go to the park. Yesterday she put on her swimming suit over her clothes and started demanding a trip to the lake. I declined. (By way of interpretation, Clara unearthed these awesome goggles yesterday, which were somehow part of a little lesson at nursery. I don't really get it. I think they're kind of weird, but she digs 'em.)


Anyway, we do a lot of the usual stuff, like coloring and dancing and watching a couple of shows on PBS Kids and reading a thousand stories. I read a great idea on my friend's blog about swimming in the bathtub, although I think Jeremy would probably think that wasn't the best idea since it may lead to screaming for a swimsuit for every bath... We shall see.

One absolute lifesaver is the Church's music CD that goes with the Primary 1 manual. If you haven't heard it, it's a bunch of classical music and a few stories with suggestions for actions...like stretching, bending, swaying, walking, tiptoeing, jumping, leaping, running (Clara's favorite) and resting (my favorite). We do this a couple of times a day and it's great for releasing the wiggles. Plus it's only 75 cents and ships for free, so it's kind of a win-win.

I also tried my hand at making play dough this week, and it's been a GREAT distraction. The recipe makes a lot, and I made it all green. For awhile I regretted not separating it into smaller batches and making different colors, until I realized that keeping colors separate is probably not Clara's strong suit.

Anyway, if you're interested, here's the recipe:

2 C water
2 C flour
1 C salt (yes, a whole cup!)
1/2 C cornstarch
2 Tbsp. vegetable powder
1 Tbsp. powdered alum or cream of tartar
Food coloring

Mix all ingredients and heat over low heat until a ball forms. Take out of the pan and knead until smooth.

----

So, now that I've shared, it's your turn. What do you do to pass the long and lonely winter days? I am desperate for suggestions. Don't fail me now!

Keep out of reach of children

Since I have no remaining ambitions to be crowned "Mother of the Year--2009," I will share with you a little story.

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that a worn and weary mother wants to put clothes on a two-year-old, but that said two-year-old would rather "be nakie" and run around the house in a diaper. Let's also say, for the sake of our story here, that the mother decides to let the be-diapered child run around the house for a moment before taking up the chase. And let's finally say that when, after (literally) two minutes of quiet, a piercing scream breaks out from the next room, that none of this can possibly end well. And if we say all of these things, you will have a hint about why Clara is photographed above wearing that "whatevs" look on her face in our local emergency room.

You will have a hint, but you will not have the specifics.

The facts are these: Clara has had a horrible cough this week, so we did not take her to church. Jeremy went alone to Sacrament Meeting (the first church meeting), then he was scheduled to come home so I could go play the piano in Relief Society (the last church meeting). About 30 minutes before Jeremy was to return home, Clara, running amok in her diaper, went into Jonathan's bedroom, where I had taken out a bin of crafts supplies the day before. She fished through the bin for what must have been two glorious minutes until she found a great prize.

The prize? A tube of superglue. That she opened. And put on her eye.

So yes, instead of taking her to church where she could've gleefully infected 10 other toddlers with her cough, I had to take both of my precious offspring into the influenza-and-MRSA-ridden hospital so that the doctor could see if any of the superglue was on her cornea. It was not. I suppose that's the happy ending of the story. Nevertheless, after my other incidences of gross maternal negligence this week, I have to imagine that this is near the last straw.

So, for all of you parents out there, please be aware: don't leave anything within reach of a curious toddler. And since curious toddlers' curiosity actually knows no bounds, perhaps this will save you a trip to the ER: superglue in the eye turns white, just as it does when it dries on your skin, meaning you can see it. If the superglue is in the whites of the eye (the conjunctiva, if you're taking notes), then it's no big deal. It will be irritating but will flake off and go away after awhile. If the glue dries on the cornea, that's a bit more concerning. I don't know what the treatment is, exactly, but I can't imagine it's pleasant.

So there you have it. Clara just has a smear of superglue underneath her right eye, literally millimeters from her eyeball. She's no worse for the wear, which I guess makes one of us.

This week's motherhood motto: Constant Vigilance.

(By the way, you may have noticed that Clara is indeed holding a pacifier. She only uses it when she's falling asleep. Or if she has to go to the hospital. Don't judge us. Perhaps one day I'll tell you about the time we tried to give the pacifier to Santa Claus and how that backfired. We'll be waiting a little while before trying another tactic.)

Terrible. Horrible. No good. VERY Bad.

So I know you're all familiar with that classic children's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. His day is, indeed, a very bad one, but I am pretty sure I have him beat with my day yesterday, or at least my morning.

Yesterday was benign enough in the beginning. We watched the inauguration in the morning (with Clara incessantly asking, "Where's Obama, Mommy?"), and then I figured I might as well take the kids to story time at the library. Clara pretty much lives to go to nursery on Sundays and to go to story time on Tuesdays.

About 10 minutes into story time, which was (mercifully) sparsely attended, I felt a little rumble from the baby on my lap, after which point I felt an ever-expanding pool of sticky wet warmth spreading up his back. Of course I had no change of clothes, but I figured I might as well change his diaper. I took him and Clara into the bathroom, where Clara started dragging a wooden step stool around the concrete floor, which was very noisy. I convinced her to stop by telling her to wash her hands, and then I stripped Jonathan down, only to discover that there was almost no trace of poop in his diaper and instead his back was just COVERED. And then I discovered something worse: I only had two wipes. I wiped him up as best as I could, and then I strapped him into his front carrier, where I got to absorb some of his wetness. He's good at sharing.

We went back to story time, which by this point had progressed to craft-making. I made the craft while Clara did her best to spread glue over every available surface, then I worked my way upstairs to get a few books I had on hold. Clara chose this moment to escape into the bowels of the library, so I grabbed the books and ran after her. Grabbing her hand, I pulled her out of the library and out to the car. When I let go of her hand to open the car door, she took off. I screamed at her to GET OUT OF THE STREET! THERE ARE CARS THERE! And she, duly terrified, started running back towards me. And then she tripped on the tip of her shoe and fell, face-first, into the wet gravel of the asphalt with a sickening thud. I ran over to assess the damage, and while I was wiping sand out of her mouth and checking for missing teeth, Jonathan started screaming.

I picked Clara up and heard an unfortunate popping sound from my back, but luckily nothing gave way. I plopped her into her car seat, wrestled a screaming Jonathan into his, then came around to Clara with my trusty first aid kit and proceeded to wipe down her face with an antiseptic wipe.

Finally, both of the kids stopped crying (Jonathan was asleep) and I drove home, completely on edge, wondering how that could possibly have been any worse. And then I got out of the car in our garage, went around to Clara's door, and discovered that in the furor I had completely forgotten to buckle Clara into her seat. What kind of a mother am I??

We made our way into the house, where Jeremy was mercifully having his lunch break and made quesadillas for everyone while holding a still sleeping Jonathan. So I guess that was one good thing.

Nothing truly horrible happened for the rest of the day, but suffice it to say that my nerves were completely shot. I'll be recovering from this one for awhile yet. Oh well.

The update post

I have somehow misplaced my zest for blogging, but I'm on the lookout for it and am sure it will re-emerge sooner or later. In the meantime, for all my loyal readers (Hi, Mom!), please acccept these official updates:

Snow: As of this morning the official snow total here was 112.6 inches. If memory serves me, that is more that we had last year in the 'Cuse. To put this into perspective, the normal season-to-date total is a mere 31 inches. On the plus side, we have had two days of rain, which has led to messy conditions on the roads but has also caused most of the snow piled on our roof to melt or slide off. This is good for two reasons: 1) I don't have to worry that our house will be added to the list of collapsing buildings in the area; 2) I don't have to worry about Jeremy getting on the roof to shovel the snow (which means, by extension, that I also don't have to worry about becoming a widow this week, I think. At least the risk is greatly reduced).


Jonathan: Our sweetest of sweet babies is now four months old! He is a hefty 16 pounds, nine ounces and has an enviable physique. He sleeps for 10-11 hours at night, which makes our hearts melt. He can grab his toys and get them to his mouth, and he loves to stand up. And he still has one of the readiest smiles I've ever seen. I just love that baby!


Clara: Clara had a wonderful Christmas and still goes to sleep every night saying that Santa is going to come. She is saddened by the loss of our Christmas tree, which disappeared during her nap one day, but she takes comfort in playing with her new toys and sleeping in her big girl bed. She is still quite taken with the Nativity, and we enact it probably five days a week (I kid you not). If Jeremy is wearing his robe in the morning, Clara says, "Daddy's Joseph! Care-la's Mary! Where's baby Jesus, Mommy?" If you ask her what the angel said to the shepherds, she says, "Fear not! Glad tidings, great joy, all people!" And she likes to talk about the manger and how there was "no room a innd!" She's a good girl.