Happy Birthday, CB!

Our sweet Clara turns one today, and Jeremy and I have certainly done our fair share of nostalgic waxing over the last few days. Just over a year ago, I was in the hospital hooked up to all manner of monitors and feeling the warm rush of magnesium pushing through my veins, all in an effort to keep my little pea in the pod for just a little while longer. But Clara was ready to get on with things, even then, which probably explains why she decided to kung-fu fight her way out of me by breaking my water with her tiny, powerful fists. Or feet. At least that's how I think my water broke.

I remember so distinctly that when my doctor came to check on me on the morning of November 4, 2006 and then announced that the baby would come today, I was overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety and excitement. As the nurses prepped me for surgery, I remember shaking and crying and not knowing what exactly was going to happen. Within the hour, though, I heard the miraculous sound of Clara crying, and at least for that moment I allowed myself to believe that all would be well. As we slogged through two and a half weeks in the NICU waiting for her to stop forgetting to breathe from time to time, I felt more exhausted than I ever had in my life, but yet there she was, all nuzzled in her isolette with a perfectly proportioned body, light, fuzzy blonde hair, and dark eyes that even then seemed to absorb everything around her.

We brought Clara home from the hospital the day before Thanksgiving, and I sat in the back to watch her breathe. I was so nervous that the doctors and nurses were wrong and that something would happen to her. After all, she was still so small, and Jeremy and I certainly had no clue what we were doing. But as we drove home on that brisk, sunny day, I felt very happy to be together as a family.

I'm sure no one really wants to hear me ramble on and on about how wonderful my daughter is, but I will just say that I am so grateful for her, so in love with her, that I have a hard time finding words that can encompass the breadth and depth of my emotion. Even at times when I feel exhausted from chasing around the busiest little girl I have ever seen, I always feel a stir of excitement when I hear her wake up in the morning. She is truly a miracle. Jeremy and I waited a very long time to bring a child home from the hospital, and now that we have Clara I often reflect about our first miracle, Sam, and how much I wish he and Clara could be together. But I know that Sam is aware of us, that he loves us, and that he and Clara and our subsequent children will have a unique relationship, even though he has left this life. I'm grateful for both of my sweet children.

So Happy Birthday, Clara! Thanks for being such an ideal baby, and for bringing light and joy to the hearts of the people you meet. We are so proud to be your parents.